Anxiety Aunt: Help! Our group trip to Bali ended in disaster, should I wait before trying to fix things?

Dear Aunty, I am just back from a trip to Bali with a group of old high school friends that I have known for more than 20 years and all our extended families. To say things did not go well is an understatement. Basically, from the time we arrived until the time we left there were dramas, arguments and even a physical fight that ended up with four men wrestling on the grounds of the hotel. Hardly anyone was on speaking terms by the end of it. I have always been the peacekeeper within the group, so I feel like it is up to me to try and make amends. My question is, is it best to do this straight away? Or should I wait until everyone has calmed down before planning a get-together? Yours, Peacekeeper Dear Peacekeeper, My dear, are you mad? Do you really want to be held responsible for someone getting arrested or maimed or worse? Because by the sounds of it that is the direction things are heading if this group spends any more time together within the next few months. Much better to let the dust settle before attempting to restore peace. Give it a month, or two. Hell, maybe a year! The fact of the matter is that sometimes spending a concentrated time together in a large group can often bring simmering tensions to the fore or even create drama where none previously existed. Many people find it stressful breaking out of their normal routines or irksome to follow either a designated decision-maker (self-appointed or otherwise) or “majority rules” approach that is often required to mobilise large groups. And of course when you throw a few more spanners in the works, like big or clashing personalities and paint-stripper strength cocktails, it’s not difficult to see how group trips can often go off the rails. Your Aunt knows how it feels to try and keep a wayward group on talking terms. It happens every time the bingo crew hire a bus and head out to the Swan Valley for a day of sunshine and lubrication. It’s never long before Doris arks up about the fact that Flora stole her man, even though Doris last dated Frank in high school and was married 10 years herself before Flora even met Frank (to whom she’s now been wed for 40 years). Despite all that, Doris still considers it a transgression worthy of being dragged up every time she’s had more than three sips of chardonnay. Then Mary invariably starts bleating on about how she was the one to introduce her friend Evelyn to the bingo group and she doesn’t understand why Evelyn has now become more popular than Mary. We all know the answer to that question but it would not go down well with Mary. Then there’s Betsy who always gets a bit too randy on the bubbles and starts propositioning everyone from the wait staff to the bus drivers. Of course, she mostly does it for the shock factor (after all if she was seriously trying to add another notch to her bed post — that already looks like it’s been attacked by a family of beavers — there’s no way she’d remove her false teeth as part of her chat-up routine). However, it is still somewhat disconcerting to see a pensioner being so chaotically lecherous. Your Aunt, cannot pretend that One is angelic on these outings. Old habits die hard so it never takes more than a savvy blanc or two before One is reliving One’s glory days of high kicks and knicker-flashing. A little bit of dancing never hurt anyone, until One cannot walk in the morning. But back to you, Peacekeeper, the fact is humans are a real mixed bag and not all combinations are complementary. Forcing the issue is never the right approach. One’s advice is to let everyone calm down, get back in the swing of their normal lives and forget the hellfire that was Bali and perhaps at some point in the future you could try a short outing to test the waters and see if everyone is willing to let bygones be bygones. But pack running shoes, just in case you need to make a hasty getaway.

Anxiety Aunt: Help! Our group trip to Bali ended in disaster, should I wait before trying to fix things?

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